argos-suck.com



Arland Bruce da Turd (III)

Ah, race: one of the most contentious and sensitive subjects of our day. And just as the spectre of racism haunts our past, present and future in general, so too does it haunt the history and trajectory of the Canadian Football League specifically. Of course, we are all proud of the CFL's historical legacy as a haven of equality during previous times of widespread racial prejudice. But rarely do we ever look beyond this characterization. We celebrate how Canada welcomed Johnny Bright into its embrace after racially-motivated assaults drove him from the United States, but we remain silent as to why such a brilliant football mind was seemingly never offered a position as a head coach or a GM. We still remember fondly players like "The China Clipper" and "Indian" Jack Jacobs, as if their very presence somehow demonstrates our own beneficence, but give little thought to the insidious tokenism and essentialism that often lurked behind such nicknames. Even more recently has racism flared up in the CFL, from Sonny Wade's slur on Ed Harrington in 1969 to the "ebonics" comment by an official to Nik Lewis during a Stampeders-Lions game in 2004. Although such "heat of the battle" incidents are often written off as just that, they still demonstrate the ongoing presence of a racial tension in the CFL, and, by extension, in society at large.

However, it would be very wrong to say that no progress has been made. Since the advent of multicultural tolerance and co-existence in Canada - pioneered by hard-nosed Hamilton politician John Munro - this country has become a kind of utopia of ethnicity, at least in comparison to the vast majority of the rest of the world. And so it was that on the weekend of the 2006 CFL finals, as our neighbour to the south continued to navel-gaze about the NFL's continuing colour bar, four Canadian teams took to the field, sharing between them two black head coaches and three starting quarterbacks whose "minority" status would have been front page news in America. Therefore, it is perhaps the greatest testament to the cosmopolitanism of the CFL community that this same story was considered so unremarkable in Canada that neither the media nor league officials even thought to brag about it.

Let us then move to the wider perspective from Eastern Final game day on the 12th of November, 2006. It had been another brutal year for Hamilton Tiger-Cat fans, and none had suffered more than the "Argos Suck!" demographic. The dreaded Argonauts had been showing up Tiger-Cat management all year long, stooping to new lows like offering season tickets for a little over a hundred bucks, and, most under-handed of all, inviting their entire fan base (regardless of chant preference) onto the field after home games for a meet-and-greet with the players. Meanwhile, back in Hamilton, the Tiger-Cat ownership responded by pillorying its own devoted fans for a second consecutive year, this time demoting the "Argos Suck!" demographic to the status of "reprehensible at best." Combined with a 4-14 Tiger-Cat season, the dark times lo these past few years showed no signs of abating.

Worst of all, when the call went out for nominations for the 2006 www.argos-suck.com Hall of Fame Award, the front runner in the balloting quickly became none other than…your argos-suck.com Directors themselves!

A first-time voter/long-time fan of the site (from Toronto) probably expressed this popular sentiment best:

"I would like to nominate for the 2006 argos-suck Hall of Fame all the dweebs who run this website. Your team blows, the Argos rock, yet you still maintain this website. You suffer from delusions of biblical proportions. That must be worthy of the Hall of Fame."

As if such a disturbing groundswell in the nomination process wasn't bad enough, the 2006 Argos had for the most part kept out of jail, refrained from assaulting one another, and threw not one item at the previously-traumatized children of Hamilton. Even 2005 HOF award winner R. Jay Soward seemed to be evolving into a diligent worker, a humble, quiet leader, and, dare it be said, even a role model for younger players. Then, just as all seemed lost, one man would suddenly unveil his unique qualifications for the argos-suck.com Hall of Fame. That man is your 2006 HOF award winner, Toronto Argonaut wide receiver Arland Bruce III.

After a dramatic victory over Winnipeg in the Semifinals, the dreaded Argonauts seemed poised for yet another Grey Cup appearance. The sudden emergence of second-string QB Michael Bishop gave the Argos all the momentum as they took the field against Montreal in the Eastern Final, and Toronto's storybook ending was just begging to be written. But, it quickly became apparent that all was not well, as Montreal jumped out to an early lead. Still, the Argos tantalizingly held off on a quarterback change, waiting for that perfect moment to deploy their ace in the hole.

At the advent of the second half, starting Argo QB Damon Allen had already bitten the turf a number of times, and anything other than a quick and successful drive would surely end his day. But, as demonstrated the week previously, the replacement of Allen with Bishop could easily work in Toronto's favour. So when Allen sealed his fate by getting picked off by Montreal defender Mark Estelle on the first play from scrimmage, Argo fans were strangely overjoyed, anticipating as they were the triumphant, Bishop-led comeback that was sure to ensue. What they did not anticipate however was that Arland Bruce III would choose that very moment to begin his journey from outstanding wide receiver to runaway winner of the 2006 argos-suck.com Hall of Fame Award.

Rather than staying with the play and immediately closing in for the tackle, Bruce III instead threw an on-field tantrum, one that not only insulted the legendary Allen but also enabled Montreal to return the interception for a touchdown. As a shocked CFL nation looked on at the spectacle, Mike O'Shea suddenly appeared from the sidelines with fire in his eyes, and began lambasting Bruce III for what was a severe tactical and strategic blunder as well as a stunning breach of football etiquette. It appeared that a kind of Baker-Prefontaine II was about to commence, but then coach Michael "Pinball" Clemons (aka "The Pinner") stepped in and made sure that cooler heads prevailed. The damage was done however, and what should have been a surge of Argo momentum had turned into irreparable demoralization in the blink of an eye.

As Toronto went on to a crushing defeat and Montreal went on to the Grey Cup, your Board of Directors could not help but wonder if the actions of Bruce III might result in a change of the HOF vote, knowing all the while that such a hope was probably forlorn. Sure enough, poll results showed no s ubstantial change. The "delusions of biblical proportions" suffered by the Directors throughout 006 were not to be eclipsed simply by one bad play, no matter that it almost single-handedly ended the chance of another Argo Grey Cup.

Imagine the surprise then, when it became apparent that Bruce III had something he wanted to say after the game. Perhaps he wanted to apologize to Allen, or O'Shea, or The Pinner, or all three? Knowing any such contrition would seal our humiliating HOF fate, your Board of Directors tuned in to catch Bruce III's apology, but were met by these comments instead:

"I don't think the referees like Pinball…I think they are racists. How come there are no black referees in the CFL? They're racists."

Bruce III then went on to accuse the officiating crew of accepting bribes, implying that this, not the interception fiasco, was why Montreal won:

"How much did [Montreal's] coach pay the refs? That's what I want to know. Good luck to them in the Grey Cup. I hope they pay them off there, too. Make another $5,000."

Although he would attempt to qualify some of these statements a day later, Bruce III pointedly refused to apologize, miring the CFL community in a skewed debate about racism at the very moment when there was so much to celebrate in terms of the league's progress toward equality. As the fall-out continued into Grey Cup week, it became clear just how damaging Bruce III's comments were. While some members of the CFL community mused that perhaps the rant might do some good, if only by virtue of bringing the racism issue out in the open, it soon became clear that the reverse was occurring. People with legitimate concerns about racism in the CFL were instead completely marginalized by Bruce III's comments. Other fans speculated about the no-win situation that any future minority official will now be placed in due to these remarks. But most members of the CFL community never made it past befuddlement over the notion of a racial conspiracy designed to benefit the Alouettes.

One would have to think that Montreal's defensive hero Mark Estelle - arrested for "driving while black" mere days before the Eastern Final - would be among the most surprised to find out that, all this time, The Man had apparently been fixing matches on his behalf. However, it wasn't so much that Bruce III spoke before thinking all this through. After all, most of us have said things that would require explaining had a microphone been in our face at the time. But it was his refusal to retract his libellous comments even days later, and the selfish and irresponsible way in which he attempted to associate his tirade with bona fide instances of racism in society and in the CFL, that rendered Arland Bruce III hands-down winner of the www.argos-suck.com HOF award for 2006.

The extent of the damage caused by Bruce III's comments, and his refusal to retract them, was particularly apparent when it came to The Pinner. As someone who has experienced racial taunts not just in the American South but, shamefully, from certain "fans" at Ivor Wynne Stadium as well, Clemons in good conscience could not pretend that racism in the CFL does not exist. Furthermore, he is the best coach in the CFL precisely because his players know that he will never sell them out, even in cases like this, when they clearly deserve it. This left The Pinner in the unenviable position of trying to explain Bruce III to an incensed media and Canadian public that for the most part does not see as clearly the racism that still exists in society and in the CFL. The end result was that poor Pinner became a flashpoint for the wrath of the general public, a wrath that rightly should have been directed at Bruce III, and him alone. Even R. Jay Soward at his lowest ebb never sold out Pinball to that extent.

At www.argos-suck.com Central Command, It soon became clear that Arland Bruce III was heading for a landslide HOF victory. Indeed, rarely has a nominee generated such a wide cross-section of voter consensus. Among Bruce III's many unexpected victims was the Torontonian "Ricky", arch-nemesis and long-time fan of www.argos-suck.com, who surely was looking forward to seconding the nomination for the "dweebs that run this website." Instead, even Ricky was forced to vote thusly:

"Again this year a Hall of Shame nominee showed his true colours in the Eastern Final. (For you Ti-Cat fans that have never heard of the Eastern Final: that is the game that decides who will represent the East in the Grey Cup). Arland Bruce ruined an otherwise decent season by his sideline antics and his post game dribble, he is the clear choice for the Hall this year."
That Arland Bruce III could cause so much disgust as to bridge the vast cultural chasm dividing Toronto-types like "Ricky" and your proudly Hamiltonian Board of Directors testifies to the unprecedented damage his remarks have inflicted on the CFL community.

As the 2007 CFL season dawns, racism in Canada continues its march into the dustbin of history. The multicultural makeup of this country that some previously considered an "ethnic time bomb" has instead become an example to the world of humanity's ability to transcend the race issue. And it is the CFL itself that can take a lot of the credit for blazing this trail. But the burden of the past is still with us, thereby making present-day accusations of racism a sensitive topic, to say the least. Therefore, playing the race card from the bottom of the deck and unjustly sullying the good name of the CFL to cover one's personal shortcomings is bound to upset Canadians from coast to coast. Arland Bruce III, for ruining things for everybody in a way that only an Argo can do, congratulations on your unanimous selection as the www.argos-suck.com Hall of Fame Award winner for 2006.